How often do you sit back and question your station in life? Are things going the way you had imagined they would and if they are not, where did you go wrong and can you still make the changes to do what you dream of? These are the questions I'm asking myself today.

At my core I'm an adventurer, an Indiana Jones, a dreamer and a hero. So if this is what I am, then why have I settled with a desk job, which has given me nothing more than twenty extra pounds and more gray hairs than I would like to admit. This is certainly not what I had aspired to become while crafting my knowledge of the sciences. I always saw myself in a much more active position.

Now that it seems to late to embark on wild adventures and travel to distant lands, it depresses me. I feel that I will never be the tech hand on a research vesicle at sea, studying the migration patterns of the Blue Whale or perhaps indexing items found in a wreck. I won't be casting sail off the coast of New Port Beach as a grinder on an off shore racing yacht or leading a development team in the building of a new data storage system in Hong Kong. The month long subatical to Eurasia designed to learn the cultures of its indigenous peoples and hang out in their pubs, will not happen.

I feel forever stuck, as if I have been weighted down and am now dependent on my biweekly paycheck. The adventure to Eurasia will never happen, mainly due to the fact that I could never squeeze that agenda into a weeks long paid vacation. How could I possible request the eight months off of work to participate in the Volvo Ocean Race around the World?

Of course there is always the option to leave my job and seriously pursue these extravagant day dreamt adventures. But then there is the question of funding. How would I be able to afford these ideas? I suppose if I wrote the next great American novel, then I could research my follow up book any way I wished. I could spend three months living in Newfoundland, in a fishing community, eating seal flipper pie and growing an extra thick beard. I may opt to spend those three months of research in the tropics discovering my inner Hemingway.

This is what I think about during the day. Is this wrong of me? Am I losing focus on what is real and really important? Truly these imagined items can't be completely far fetched because others have done them all.

My buddy Dave is a big fan of Buffalo Bills QB J.P. Losman!

Guest editor over at LifeHacker Erica Sadun -Gina is still out being a smarty pants- gives us a good answer to the dreaded question "What are drugs?".

Lets set the scene shall we; You are all grown up and have children of your own -not like they couldn't be somebody else's kid-. Your young one comes up to you one day and asks you to explain what drugs are and you have to be sure to give them a good answer. I mean if you screw this one up it could be the end. The next thing you know your pride and joy is out at Dave Matthews shows and hanging out at the local Taco Bell. It can be a pivotal point in a childs life so don't mess this one up.

The answer is pretty good I must say, here is a snipet from the main post:

Some drugs are okay for you if you take a little and very bad if you take a lot. That’s why we always read about drugs before we take them. We want to make sure we take the right amount so we don’t get hurt from them.

There you go, how do you answer that one?
Do you tell the truth?
Or lie your stinking face off untill they are well into their 20's?

This is very cool. Ways back I posted Soothing Sanity, noting how I enjoyed listening to while I was working. Now I see that D.J Dan Maselli has left a comment on the site. This is great; not only does this mean that BerfNet continues to get new exposure -not bad for a blog on random crap- but it also emphasizes the point I made on how cool these D.J's are.

I may not be a classical music buff, but it sure does calm me down ... the station has very down to earth D.J's like Dan Maselli.

Hey! Thanks for the props. It is nice to be considered "down to earth". This is a tough business to just be a regular down to earth person, but I try like hell. I am glad that the music soothes. Keep in touch, Dan Maselli Mornings 8-12 Beethoven Radio.

If you're not familiar with the site, Beethoven Radio broadcasts over the web and has listeners from all over the world and I know this because when you make a request the D.J tells us who made the request and were they are from. A few of my favorite times of the day are the 11:00 matinee -were thay play pieces from your favorite flicks-, the 2:00 movie -same thing-, mid morning Mozart, and the 5:00 rock (?) -were they play orchestras covering rock tunes-. So check it out, not only will it help keep you relaxed and focused at work, but you will also learn about classical music -which is much cooler than you would think- and put a bit of culture in your life.

Wow, how the time zips by when you're not paying attention. It has been way to long since I last posted anything and for that I apologize. I mean I have a responsibility to my readers -Hi Mom- to provide them with new and semi interesting content. So I promise that I will catch up with the items I have been preparing. Here is a sneak preview of what is to come.

• Last night of the Continental. Anthony and I get interviewed for punk rock documentary and I was hammered so I probably make an ass out of myself.


• Freelance career taking big steps. I will talk about some projects I have been offered and some items to come.


• Is San Francisco the Blogging capital of America? Why I think this and what are your thoughts


• Captains Blog Episode 4: I don't know what I'm doing


• Finally we can't leave out the newest edition of "What Does Ebert Think"

Jason Kottke has posted an interesting note on the success of T-Shirt merchants online. Apparently there has been a number of successful online entrepreneurs who are making a nice side piece pawning off funny shirts. You can read the details at the Wall Street Journal, but in summary it covers a few case studies in which online sites were launched along with a merchandising plan. Later the sites fell, but the merchandising continues to create revenue. I've seen this in the past, sites -some even blogs- selling T-Shirts, mugs, stickers and my favorite .. thongs -not that I wear them you sick`o; it's for the ladies-. That got me wondering, if BerfNet were to create a merchandising line, what would it say? This image was all I could come up with in a pinch, but if your imagination far exceeds mine, then post a few ideas and maybe we can get something going.

Every Weekend I usually spend the nights at my buddy Anthony's house. This is because I am 26 years old, and I am currently living with my parents -don't ask- and I like to be away on the days I can sleep in. This week was no different, and on Sunday Anthony and I usually watch a large amount of T.V. -this is because we are huge move dorks and we like to spit out movie lines all day-. This day we watched Splash staring Tom Hanks, Daryl Hannah -who I was told wears a prosthetic finger, is there any truth to that?-, John Candy and we cant leave out Eugene Levy. My homeboy and I were sitting there watching this movie, and reminiscing of the days when we were kids -because I was like 10 when this movie was big-. We talked bout how much we admired actors like Tom Hanks and John Candy; and how weird that was since we were only in grade school, we should have had bigger heroes, like sports stars or something. But anyway, we noticed how much we missed seeing John Candy in flicks.

Cartoon by: Cagle Slate

Be back soon.

I hate the Dentist, I dread entering that sterile white room and lying down on the Craftmatic adjustable torture chair. I have not been to a dentist in roughly 2 years, this is not do to lack of hygiene, but rather lack of health insurance. Now that I am covered I saw it necessary to go back to the place that always see,s to chastise me for poor oral maintenance, and subject myself to the long forgotten mouth pain. I say mouth pain because I think that mouth pain should be classified in its own category of pain. Think about it, you kick me in the shin, sure it is goig to hurt, but when you dig deep in between my gums and teeth with a tiny stainless steel hook, the throbbing and irritation far exceeds any muscle or joint pain I have experienced in a long long time. Perhaps I am being to hard on these fine people who have chosen this profession. All I know is that when I walked into that office yesterday, I did not feel my heart beat in my mouth. When I left, I could taste my heat beats per minute. I have been hearing the same song and dance from these people since I was 10 years old. "You need to floss better." "You have the begining of gum disease." "If you keep smoking your teeth are going to fall out by the time you are 40." So my question is simple, if I have been maintaining the same brushing and flossing schedule since I was 10, and the hygienist has been warning me since I was 10, don't you think by now I would have serious periodontal disease? Why is it always the same diagnosis time after time? And finally are these hygienists the true mosaicists and not the dentist. Ask yourself who is causing the pain during your cleaning. The dentist usually just comes along after you have been scraped into submission and counts your teeth, which induces no additional pain, but that G.D hygienist seems to enjoy it a bit to much.

Sorry folks, I have been gone for way to long. But not to worry - and I know your not - but I will be posting my photo eassay on my trip to Las Vegas tonight after I do some work. If you want to try your hand at a needle in a hay stack, try and find me on this web site Napkin Nights. I was being kinda naughty and got caught on film. Stay tuned for the pics I took on my trip.

Today is the Chinese New Year. I know this because my buddy Hang is celebrating it today. Last night I watched some animal show, about the Chinese Zodiac and it was very interesting to me. So I did a bit of research online to find out more about this. This year is the year of the Rooster, the people born this year will be loners, deep thinkers and hard working. Of course there is much more, but hey I want to talk about me here. I was born in the year of the Horse (1978). I checked out the traits of Horse people and I was surprised as to the number of characteristics that I carry that were on this list. The following is one of the definitions I have found -all of them are roughly the same- and I have taken the liberty of underlining the items that best describe myself.

Have you ever taken a crap that was so nasty, that you were afraid that the stench would follow you out of the bathroom?
-Then you find yourself paying to much attention to the smells around you for a bit, just to make sure it didn't.-

Well this has been one of the longest stints of non posting that I have had in a while, and I know you are all on the edge of your seats to know why. Well this weekend was a tough one. First off I had much on my mind, from work to old friends that I spoke to. Then I went out booze hounding with a friend of mine, and her friends and her are pretty big party animals. Not that I can hang, but I think the shots of Crown Royal caught up to me much sooner than later, but it was still a well needed and deserved good time -since the prior week was spent on call for work-. Then Sunday was a day of rest and recovery -like many are doing on Sunday's, and don't lie; you all know it-, folowed by speratic viewings of the 2 football games, that were not in my favor. Monday was a truly hard day, for one I wasn't feeling well, and 2 .....
So needless to say Tuesday I stayed home from work -no I wasn't playing hookie- I was actually not feeling well, it must have been some sort of a stomach virus, or mabey somthing else, who knows. But thank the maker that I was home sick because there was an emergincy with my grandfather and he needed to be taken to the hospital right away. So the remander of the day was spent with my grandpops in the ER, making sure he was ok.
Of course now I am back to work, and still not at 100%. I know this is a sorry excuse for a posting, but to bad. If you really want a good story, ask me about the baby???

Being a prorogrammer I tend to drink alot of java, which leads to many trips to the hoop -thats the bathroom for those who live in caves and under rocks-. I pretty much drink coffe continuisly troughout the day, and in turn I am heading off to the lue about ever 10 min, my co-workers probably think I am snorting lines in there. Well today after my 5th mornign cup of Columbian goodness, I felt the pipes building up, and plodded towards the WC. Once I reached my destination, I was met by 2 occupants at the standing stalls -and I am not going to wait in line at work, this is not a Bills game-, so I entered the handicap stall -I like the extra space to stretch- and started to prepare myself. Once I was in motion I saw something very bothersome on the floor. I was looking at the floor since that was the direction everything was moving, and to my disgust I see nail clippings scattered about. These were pretty well sized jammies too, so I am thinking toe nail clippings. Which leads me to the question "who would come into the hoop, take off their shoes and socks, and proceed to clip thier toe nails"? It was a tramatic experience on many levels, I may not be able to use public bathrooms again.

Well it has been a while since I last posted, you can understand with the holiday and sorts. I truly love Thanksgiving, a day of togetherness and all that family witty banter. Every year it seems that the fam has new topics to pick on each other with, and let me tell you there is no holding back, no mercy what so ever. Even the wiser ones of the family get a beat down, and trash talk concerning ailments is never off limits. Normally I would partake in my families hardball crosstalk, but this holiday was a bit different to say the least. I wasn't depressed but I did have much on my mind, which made it difficult to concentrate on the events.

Anyway, what else has been happening in the world besides my scattered brain and turkey?
George Bush survived an assasination attempt, and now he is hanging out in Toronto.
The Buffalo Bills, ran all over the Seahawks on Sunday which was awsome to say the least. McGahee became just the third player in Bills history to rush for four scores in a game and the first since Roland Hooks in 1979. We have Miami next week, which (knock on wood) should be a gimmie.

Often I think about going back to school. I mean I was a good student, I got my work done, I always fit in with college people, and hey at the end of the whole thing you have a degree. Well I have thought about going back to get an MBA, figured it would corispond nicley with my MSIT. OR I could go for the highest level of geekdome, and get my Phd. BUt what would I then do with that mark of excelence. My good friend Katie is now in school at UB working on her Phd in biology/bugs, and some time talking to her I get pretty jelous about what she is doing. I mean it would be better than work. My favorite part about school, even though there is a tone more work than at work, is the fredom of creativity, and the learning of new things. I do get to learn new things in the private sector, but at a much slower pase. Well if I could find a school that did't require a GMAT or some other standarized test, I would go for it.

You know, it's not like I was pouring my heart out on this site or anything, I just simply would add a post here and there that expressed what I was thinking. I don't care who you are or how tough you think you are, breaking up is difficult. Not only do you have to deal with the separation anxiety that occurs daily, you also have to deal with the constant associations that you cross which remind you of things you did together and so on. You see a few friends of mine told me to quit writing about my break up, they saw it as winning, or acting like a "wuss". Well, I really didn't intend for that to be the impact, and I certainly don't think she will ever visit this site; it was all simply putting my current thoughts done on paper so to speak. But since I do think my buds have a valid point, I will continue to do my best, to refrain from writing about this current event, as difficult as it may be.

One of the most difficult things to overcome, is yearning to share moments with her, and not being able to. This past weekend went by nicely, the hockey game on Friday, spending the night with the crew on Saturday and watching the Bills beat the hell out of the Jets on Sunday; these were all pretty easy to get trough. But for those of you in the WNY area, you might have seen the Aurora or Northern Lights yesterday, which are very rarely seen in this part of the country and I bet this would have been something worth sharing. She certainly enjoys beautiful events of nature, and I can fantasize sitting outside having a hot drink, and just being there together. That is what truly hurts.
It bothers me that now when I am done with my day, I really don't have the person I wanted mostly to hear about it there to talk to. It seems to make exciting news seem rather trivial, or less meaningful.

Well the funniest thing happened to me the other day, if you can call it funny, it could fall into the category of sad or just depressing coincidence. If you haven't guessed yet, I have recently joined the frenzy of those in the pool of swimming singles. Now of course I am feeling terrible about the whole thing, but I do appreciate irony when it pokes its goofy head out.

I was driving home from grabbing a bite to eat with "me mate" Anthony (I love that so not American slang, any way not to venture off topic) and all of a sudden a song begins to play on the radio. Now I like the band Kiss, and I am always happy to hear one of their rockers come on the air waves, but for Christ sake, the one song that probably hasn't been played on the radio since the 70's all of a sudden, "Beth" by Peter Cris himself.

Then of course the joke doesn't stop there, oh yes there is more. Due to the tune playing on the radio, my comrades felt it incumbent upon themselves to beat this occurrence like a dead horse, then turning to "Better Off Dead" references and tossing the radio out the car door since all it is playing is depressing breakup songs. Then we all remembered that the girl that left Lane Meyer was none other than Beth. Well needless to say we all had a good laugh after that.

Relish; Relish on my Nose !!
If you don't get that, your a loser

Depression is a vicious enemy, and you have to fight back. You may feel like you're not strong enough to fight, but you really do have that strength. You really are stronger than you think.

For a few months now I have been a member of the Worlds Gym in Williamsville N.Y. I plan on dropping some of my flabby flab, and looking more like "Buff is the Stuff". That's a little OLD SCHOOL joke for ya brothers. But seriously I have lost about 10 pounds and still going. My body fat is down to @#% and even my baby tells me I dont feel as soft (pause.. you know what I mean.). Well I am down to 225, and my target weight is 200 lbs. So whish me luck.

Well in only a day and a half, I will officialy be on vacation. "Where are you going?" you ask (well you didn't ask, but I am going to tell you anyway). First I am traveling to Saratoga Springs with my honey, to visit my sister. Then my sister, her man, my lady and myself are goingi to head to Lake Placid to go on a white water rafting adventure. I am really excited about that, because it will be Beth's first time rafting. Of course I have only done it once before, so it's not like I am a pro or anything, but I will act like one (just kidding). Then of course since we will be staying at my little sis's place, there will be one good night of heavy drinking.

Once that leg of the "vaca" is over it's back to Buffalo, and since my good friend Anthony is now on unemployment, I think I will be spending the rest of the week loafing around his place with him. It's Holloween and all so there will be tons of great classic horror flick on the tube.

So far sounds like a hell of a vacation approaching.

Well since the day I got my drivers license, I have been driving a car that I had no part in picking out. I did have a very strong attachment to my first car, the sky blue Chevy Corsica or the "Blue Torpedo" as my friends and I knew it. But I hated the hand-me-down Buick Regal, it was a grayish brown, and I treated it like crap. By the time I was trough with that hunk of shit it was widely recognized for its different sized side mirrors. Then there was the Dodge Shadow, which I can't think of why the hell they named it that, the damn thing isn't even big enough to cast a shadow. That car truly had the devil in its engine. Before I retired that car, it was crashed multiple times; stolen, stalled leaving me in the middle of no where and it got me sued. Finally one day the seat back gave out and I fell on my ass, I was pretty ticked but my girlfriend got a kick out of it.
So since that day I have been driving my sister’s car, since she just got a new one. And let me tell you, here car isn't much better. I am always scared that it is going to just stop running, and since I drive a hour to get to work, it could go and leave me in the middle of Cattaraugus County. It putters and jerks, and the door has to be pried open since a deer hit me the day I started driving it. It is an embarrassment; all of my cars have been an embarrassment.

But now finally I am buying a new car. A car of my own, one that I picked out for myself, one that I can create an attachment with like the "Blue Torpedo" of my youth. And that car is a Chevy Tracker. I should be picking it up this week, and I am so excited. It is tan with only 8k miles, so it is almost brand new. It has 4 wheel drive, so it will be great for going up to the south towns to hit the ski slopes, and it is not too big, I really don't like those bulky SUVs. I am very excited, and I am looking forward to driving it on my vacation next week.

Well it is about damn time; I tell ya it sure feels good to be able to publish on the web again. Now I will be honest, the site still has much work to be done on it, but I feel comfortable enough to start posting on a regular basis.

So if you are wondering what it is I have been doing for the last 5 months or so, I can tell you it has been mainly work. I am working at the Cliffstar Corporation in Dunkirk N.Y. It's not bad I get to do some great work with developing Intranets.

I also have been finishing up my first freelance web job. I designed and created an online store for the Buffalo Outfitters fly shop near my house. The URL is www.cattaraugusflyshop.com Check it out, I set them up with an MT weblog, so drop them a few comments.

I also have been spending time with my girl. Yes I have been dating the same woman for some time now, and I can tell you I love all of it, the ups and the downs. What can I say, she is one of a kind. She has survived the clan and me, so I feel real good about this one (of course now my friends will start slamming me about that, but hey I can take it). Matter of fact we will be taking a bit of a vacation next week, going to go to Saratoga (?) to visit the sis, should be a great time, we are even trying to go on a white water adventure while we are there. Or do you think it is going to be to cold?

Well that is pleantly for now, and yes sir it feels good to be back.